Nerd Rant! The Stormtroopers of Star Wars!

Hey all! It's November and that's one month til the New Star Wars movie! And holy crap, it looks awesome. So, in the spirit of Star Wars, I'm going to try out something new. This is a nerd rant, where I pick a topic of film, comic, TV show, or whatever you want. Depending on how popular this gets, of course. So, lets kick off the first topic: the Stormtroopers in the Star Wars films. A big debate is why superior soldiers can't hit the broadside of a barn sometimes. Something wrong in the clone genetic code? Or did they know Luke and the gang were the heroes the whole time and wanted them to win? Let's find out.

AKA Cannon fodder.

A Brief History 

 A long time ago, the Galactic Republic was at war with the Trade Federation. However, the Trade Federation had an advantage. They had factories that could build millions of robot soldiers and could send out to do whatever they pleased. The answer to this was clone the perfect solider, Solid Sn- I mean, Jango Fett. When these clones were deemed operational, the Republic used them to fight in the Clone Wars and take down the Trade Federation. After the Clone Wars, Senator Palpatine decided to use these clones for a more sinister purpose. He would use them as foot soldiers, pilots, commanding officers, you name it. They became the face of the Empire when Palpatine rose to power. 

The many faces of the Empire.

So, the question is, why are these so called super soldiers such lousy shots? Could there be a defect in the cloning process? Or did they know deep down that the Empire was doomed? No, they were just recruits. 

Clones? We don't need clones

Now, naturally, when the Empire rose to power, not everyone was on board. Naturally, there was the Rebellion who took a stand against the Emperor and his faceless army. When you watch the Star Wars films, you only see a small fraction of what's going on during this civil war. Luke, Han and Leia do have huge roles, but there are other rebel bases and space fights going on too. Heck, I'm sure there were other systems and planets fighting against the Empire that weren't involved with the Rebellion. See that picture above? At best we see five types of troopers at once. There are some that we don't see at all. Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself here. My point is, during all this fighting, clones (no matter how good they are) are dying off by rapid numbers. So, how do you keep your numbers up and impose a threat? Easy, you recruit. Whether it's by force or voluntary, you gotta keep fear up in the galaxy. Now, I hear you all saying, "But they could make more clones!" True, but during a massive galactic war, I'm willing to bet making clones takes time. And the Empire wants to make time for one thing; The Death Star. If you focus on one thing, other things tend to become less productive.  Even the trailers for the new Star Wars movie shows a black guy as a Stormtrooper, and the clones were predominantly white. 

Search Your Feelings

So, if the troopers weren't clones, but recruits it would explain a lot. Even during a mass recruitment, not everybody's going to be a expert sharpshooter on day one. That takes time and training. And yet again, I'm willing to bet that the Empire only cares about one thing: Fear. The more you fear something, the less you're going to try and take it face on. But wait! There's more proof. In a deleted scene for a New Hope, Luke runs into his friend, Biggs. Biggs is originally being recruited to be an Imperial fighter pilot, but he's planning to defect to the Rebellion. Bigg's isn't a clone either. If you want even more proof, and which a huge point most people forget while doing this debate, is Luke. Yes, when Luke and Han go to rescue Princess Leia, Luke makes a comment. "I can't see a thing out of this helmet", Luke comments before saving the Princess. So, if you can't see well, chances you can't shoot well either. Now, sure, if you're a super solider and are used to those conditions, yes, you can be accurate. But, if you're a recruit and you aren't conditioned well enough, and wearing a helmet that supposedly effects your vision, chances are, you're going to miss. A lot. 

Conclusion

So, while there were probably clones still fighting against the Rebellion, the ones our heroes encountered were slim at best. And that's why I think that most of the Stormtroopers were just every day guys participating or forced into something they weren't trained well for. I could be wrong, but maybe the new movie will explain more of it. 

Want more of this? Or was this pointless and should I never do this again? Let me know!

Dark City

A man wakes up from a dream and discovers reality. Only reality is dreary and dark, gloomy and depressing. However, this man is told he can change reality and make it better. Using his new found powers, this man does change reality and makes it a better place. Sound familiar? I mean, if you didn't look at the title, this plot sounds a lot like the Matrix, right? What if I told you there was another movie, with the same plot but came out a year earlier? I'm talking about Dark City. This did come out a year earlier and the Matrix movies are heavily influenced by this film. It didn't do well at the box office, but over the years, Dark City has aged well and has a cult following to it. It's a fun film to watch and it's much better than the Matrix trilogy. So, let's visit this dark city and review Dark City!

The plot:
John Murdoch wakes up in a hotel room with no memory of why or what he's doing there. The only clues are his clothes and a dead hooker. Before he can leave, he gets a phone call telling him a group of people are coming after him and he must leave immediately. John escapes and tries to search for clues about his past. Before he can make headway, a group of men, known as The Strangers try to kill him. However, John alters the reality allowing him to escape. The Strangers are curious as to why a human has their ability and begin to seek him out. During that time, John runs into his wife, Emma, who tells him that she cheated on him and he left her.  John doesn't remember and forgives her, wanting to take her with him to safety. He does however, remember his childhood and wants to go to Shell Beach to see the sun and waves, but no one remembers how to get there. Meanwhile, Detective Bumstead is investigating the murders John supposedly committed and chases after him,though he joins Murdoch after he opens the detective's eyes. At 12 midnight, though, all the clocks stop and The Strangers change the city and give new identities to the citizens. John is the only one awake and witnesses this, making him curious if his memory has been changed before. John runs into Dr. Schreber who tells him that he is like The Strangers and can "tune", meaning he can fight them and defeat them. John eventually hones his powers and with the help of the doctor, he defeats The Strangers in battle. Once they're defeated, John changes the city to his whim and finally goes to Shell Beach.

The Good:
There's a whole lot going on in this movie, and it's hard to condense such a complex plot without telling the whole movie. That being said, it's definitely worth a watch. This movie is a like a noir film of the days of old. You're trying to figure out what's real and what's not. And it works. Rufus Sewell is captivating to watch and he does a convincing job. As does the rest of the crew. The special effects are decent, though a little dated at times. The Strangers are creepy and weird, but they do it well and they never go over the top, until the end (more on that later). Like I said, this plot is complex and it makes you think. And I like movies that do that. Sure, some you can turn your brain off and enjoy the movie, but the ones that make you think are even more special.

The Bad:
I can't think of a whole lot, so I'll cut to the chase. The action isn't the best and there's too many jump cuts. For example, a Stranger will make an attempt to stab John and the camera will jump away before the action is completed. So, you see the Stranger finish and not hit anything. Then there's the last fight. John and the "lead" Stranger have a tuning battle if you will and it comes off like an episode of Dragonball Z. There's even screaming included. It's...not that great.

Overall:
Dark City is a great film. As I said, it's like a noir film and it works. The story's well written and the cast performs wonderfully. Yeah, the action's not the best, but that's not the focus of the plot. And if you've seen the Matrix movies, you can see a lot where they got the inspiration from. Dark City is a movie that makes you think and it's worth the watch.

Rating:
4 buses to Shell Beach out of 5.     

Star Wars V The Empire Strikes Back

All right Star Wars fans! Two more months until the release of Star Wars VII! Last month, I reviewed George Lucas' opening act to an amazing sci fi trilogy and this month I continue it! Today, I'm reviewing Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back. Now, this movie was written by George Lucas only. Irvin Kershner directed in what is probably the best Star Wars film to date. Let's fly to Dagobah and start the review!

The Plot:
After the destruction of the Death Star, the Empire made a huge attack on the rebels, forcing them to hide. The rebels put their newest base on the ice planet Hoth. However, Darth Vader sends thousands of probes in the attempt of locating the rebel base. While on Hoth, Luke is getting to know the wildlife better and almost ends up being dinner. He escapes, but with his wounds and the freezing temperatures, it looks like he won't make it. Thankfully, Han Solo rescues Luke, but Luke is out of it and sees a vision telling him to train with Yoda. Han and Luke make it safely back to the base, but an Imperial probe finds the base and sends a signal to the Empire. As the rebels make their escape from the Empire, Luke travels to Yoda's planet to broaden his Force training. Meanwhile; Han, Leia, Chewbacca and 3PO have some adventures themselves and wind up at Cloud City. Han's friend, Lando offers them a save haven while the Millennium Falcon is being repaired. Their peaceful vacation is cut short when Darth Vader and his troops show up, showing Lando is keeping secrets and is willing to ruin friendships. Darth Vader's plan is to set up a trap for Luke and take Luke to Emperor Palpatine himself. Han is frozen in carbonite to test the trap, and Boba Fett takes his prize to Jabba the Hutt. While training with Yoda, Luke receives a vision of his friends dying and makes preparations to go to Cloud City. Yoda warns Luke that his training is not finished and fighting Vader will make Luke to join the Dark Side. Luke does not heed his warning and goes to Cloud City. Once there, Luke battles Darth Vader, but loses. *spoliers* Darth Vader is Luke's father too. Before Darth Vader can get Luke to join him, Luke escapes and is picked up by Leia, Lando and Chewie in the Falcon. They escape and join up with some rebels and make a plan to rescue Han Solo from Jabba the Hutt. Whew, it's hard to summarize the plot without doing the whole film.

The Good:
Like I said, this is the best movie in the trilogy. It's got action, romance, funny moments, all paced together well. Everyone does their roles well and you can feel the tension when the rebels are facing off against the Empire during the battle of Hoth. You feel happy when Leia and Han confess their love for each other (though, its a bit creepy that there was the brother/sister kiss). And the best plot twist in movie history. Yeah, Vader is Luke's father. It was probably the best kept secret too. The crew didn't know the twist during filming until David Prowse (Vader) said the lines. Oh my god, the line Vader says sends chills down my spine when I hear it. V: "Obi Wan never tell you what happened to your father." L: "He told me enough, he told me you killed him." V: "No, I am your father." Awesome. I can't think of anything else good to say, this movie is so good.

The Bad:
Not a whole lot, actually. There are a few scenes that are pointless to the plot though. Or, they could have been thought out more. For example, when Darth Vader has bounty hunters and is offering a reward to capture Han Solo. We see all these alien bounty hunters for a few seconds, then all the focus is on Boba Fett. I would have liked to see maybe a few other bounty hunters attempt to get the Falcon, but I digress. There were a few "improved" scenes in the special edition, like a very badly dubbed scene of Luke talking about Yoda. He says something else, but another line was dubbed over it and his lips don't match. Other than that, great stuff.

Overall:
I love this movie. As an adult it's become my favorite Star Wars film. Easily the best story told in all of the Star Wars films. The film itself is evenly paced and you never go "Man, I want to see Luke again fighting baddies".

Rating:
5 tauntauns out of 5.

Bonus Round!
Aww yeah. Here we go. The scene: The Millennium Falcon flies into an asteroid field to escape some Imperial Ships. During their flight we see...was that a tennis shoe?

  Well, I expected a potato, but...wait...the Millennium Falcon is an asteroid too?!

 Watch the whole video if you like, but skip to around the 4:00 mark and you'll seen the Falcon fly by trying to destroy the Falcon. Wait, isn't that a time paradox or something?

Back to the Future Part 2

Hello, fellow time travelers! As you know, the world celebrated Back to the Future Day. I went and traveled a day ahead just to make sure hover board technology came out a little late. Sorry, but still no hover boards. While spending a day in the future, I decided to celebrate the past by watching Back to the Future 2. Yeah, time traveling is confusing. Anyways, put on your self tying shoes and get pumped for Jaws 19!

I heard the USA Today was still accurate though.

  The Plot:
After Marty McFly went back to the future and got a glimpse of his new 80s life, Doc Brown shows up to whisk him away to the far away year of 2015. Marty and Doc are trying to stop Marty's kid from going to jail which sets up a chain reaction thus ruining Marty's future life. During the trip, Marty decides to buy a sports almanac to earn a little side cash, but Doc does not encourage it and tosses it in the trash. Old Biff witnesses this and takes the almanac for himself, traveling back in time. Marty and Doc head back to 1985 but it's not the reality they're used to. Biff, rich from his "winnings" owns Hill Valley and has turned into the town into a wasteland. He's also married Loraine and adopted her kids. Marty finds out what happened to the sports almanac and how Biff got it. Marty and Doc go back to 1955, where Old Biff gave young Biff the almanac. Marty and Doc pursue young Biff trying to get the almanac, so they can destroy it and set 1985 back to normal. During their mission, they manage to destroy the almanac but Doc's time machine is struck by lightning and is sent back to 1885. Marty must attempt to go and save the Doc, but will he succeed? Find out in Back to the Future 3!

The Good:
Micheal J. Fox does Marty McFly well, as does Chris Lloyd for Doc Brown. The ideas of what 2015 might be were pretty cool as well, and some of those visions became true. The hover board steals the show though, as like the lightsaber, you want one and want one badly. There are some funny moments, but some off the jokes come off as flat.

The Bad:
The plot. God, this plot sucks. I realize that there was no sequel intended originally, but they could have added some more originality to this plot. 99% percent of the story is "Hey! Remember the skateboard scene? Here's the same thing except in the future!" "Hey, remember when Biff got punched? Here's Marty punching Biff because we can!" Biff, Griff and Old Biff (Thomas F. Wilson) over act through entire film. Oh, and how does Biff manage to travel back in time? He doesn't know how to work the DeLorean. And...how come Doc nor Marty notice the dashboard telling them that the car went back to 1955?! These are major plot holes and they're never explained.  Anyways, Biff doesn't come off as menacing as (past, present, or future version) he normally does and ends up comical at best and doesn't pose any threat like he did in the first film. As for the goons, they fall for the "Hey! What's that?!" too many times in a row to the point where it's just sad. Marty needs some more weapons in his goon fighting arsenal.  Did I mention the plot sucks? Oh, and some of the line delivery from certain characters seem flat, or forced.  Also, how come Loraine marries Biff? It's pretty apparent in both movies, she doesn't like him at all. Just because he has money, doesn't mean he's a better person. She could have just said no, not like Biff can do anything about it. Loraine is dumb.

Overall:
Back to the Future Part 2 isn't as good as the first movie. Yeah, the hover board is cool and all, but sadly there's not any decent moments to save the movie from being great. It's still a decent flick to watch, but you're constantly reminded how good the first movie was and this movie needed to be it's own story. Not a retelling of the first. If you haven't seen this movie, at least see it once and come to your own conclusions.

Rating:
3 hover boards out of 5.

Star Wars: IV A New Hope

A long long time ago, in a galaxy not so far away, there was a movie. This movie changed the sci fi genre forever and even inspired two more movies (what prequels? I heard rumors but, too bad they don't exist). That movie was Star Wars.  Man, even after all these years, Star Wars holds up pretty well, despite the fact that it's budget wasn't huge. It's got great action sequences and memorable lines. So, each month until December, I'll review each of the Star Wars movies (The good ones, obviously.) So, grab your lightsaber and hop into your space ship, and May the Force be with you!

The Plot:
During a galactic civil war between the Rebel Alliance and the Empire, a farm boy named Luke Skywalker dreams of a life with excitement and adventure. When two droids from said Rebel Alliance show up, his dreams become a reality. With the help of Obi-Wan Kenobi, Han Solo and Chewbacca, Luke saves a kidnapped Princess Leia from the Empire's Death Star. However, their fight isn't over yet when the Empire decides to use their ultimate weapon. Intent on destroying the planet that the Rebels reside on, our heroes gear up and launch an attack. The clock is ticking as Luke and the Rebel fighters take on the Death Star and attempt to destroy it.

The Good:
Pretty much this whole movie. The pacing is done right. The characters are easy to like and easy to get behind. You hate the Empire from the get go, but you're still impressed with them. And the lines that are so memorable; "I have a bad feeling about this." "I find your lack of faith disturbing." And always, "That's no moon, that's a space station." The action's amazing to watch too. From the dogfights in space, to the turrets in the Millennium Falcon. Which, were inspired by actual footage of WW II dogfights. Darth Vader is inspired by samurai culture and the Jedi are loosely based off of samurai as well.  I mean, this movie is awesome.

The Bad:
It was pretty hard to find some bad in all that good, but I did manage to find some. It should be noted I watched one of the many "Special edition" Star Wars, so yeah. There's the scene where Greedo shoots first for one. (Han shot first) Second, there's the deleted scene where Jabba is at Han's ship and they strike a deal. This should have remained deleted. At the end, Han says "Jabba. You're a wonderful human being." Which, makes no sense since Jabba is a space slug. Leia's dialect keeps switching from British and American during the film. There are a few plot holes, but they're not glaringly obvious.  However, the Empire is pretty stingy when it comes to lasers and "malfunctioning" escape pods. Of course, the movie would have been over a lot faster.

Overall:
Star Wars is a classic. It's also a great movie, despite it's flaws. Maybe that's why everyone likes it so much. It'll remain one of my all time favorite movies for years to come.

Rating:
4.5 lightsabers out of 5.

Live and Let Die

Hello folks, sorry for not posting anything over the last month. I've been super lazy lately and as fun as writing reviews is, it's still work. Anyways, I'm back and ready to review some films!

Bond. James Bond. These three words are so legendary everybody knows who James Bond is. The original gentleman spy. The man who has the best job in the world. Cool cars, cool gadgets and cool women, what's not to love about James Bond?

Well, that might be one thing not to love about him.

So, today, I'm reviewing the 8th James Bond movie, Live and Let Die. This movie is one of my all time favorite Bond films and probably has some of the best chase scenes in movie history. So, as they say at MI6, "Bring back the car in one piece."

The Plot:
Several MI6 agents are killed in a span of 24 hours and Agent 007 is called in to finish what they started. Why'd they all die?, you ask. They were all keeping an eye on Dr. Kanaga, a Caribbean dictator. Sounds suspicious. Anyways, J.B. takes off and enters the world of voodoo and whoodoo and drugs. He meets Solitaire, Kanaga's personal fortune teller and immediately gets into trouble. As the mystery unravels, 007 discovers Kanaga is planning to give away 2 tons of heroin for free in order to monopolize the drug industry, then sell the heroin to the highest bidder. 007 manages to bring down Kanaga's drug business with planes, boats and some good old fashioned shoot outs. James Bond stops Kanaga by, well, over inflating his personality, so to speak.

The Good:
The story's pretty good for a Bond film. It's the first one that doesn't have a palm rubbing, mustache twirling villain who wants to take over the world. The bad guy, Kanaga, just wants to own the drug business and nothing else. I like that. Roger Moore as Bond is entertaining. He cracks jokes even when he's in serious trouble. Tee Hee, the villain in the video above is hilarious, because he's always laughing inappropriately, and he's pretty terrifying. Then there's the boat chase. That's right, not a car chase, a boat chase. This is one of the best movie chase scenes ever. It's suspenseful and has comedy at the right times. Then, the best line of all time:

Oh, and some of the set pieces in this movie....stunning. Mr. Big's (Kanaga) lair is...awesome. The underground cave near the end, beautiful.

The Bad:
There's not a whole lot of bad stuff in this movie, but I did find some. Let's start with Rosie Carver, a double agent who works for Kanaga. She has to lead Bond somewhere to kill him or Kanaga's men kill him, I'm not sure. Anyways, worst double agent ever. She screams a every little thing, even to the point where Bond gets sick of it. She's useless and had no point in being in the film at all. Some of the situations Bond gets himself in are easily escapable. There's one scene where Bond sits in a chair, then Tee Hee pushes a button and the world's easiest to break out of hand braces "trap" Bond. Maybe Bond knew that, maybe Kanaga's men had guns. Who knows. Moore tries to look like they're super tight, but these hand bindings rest comfortably on Bond. And finally, 007's CIA buddy, Felix Leiter. Dude's seriously the dumbest CIA agent ever. One of his men gets killed and instead of investigating as to why his agent isn't where he's supposed to be Felix says "He must lying down of the job." Har har. Later, Bond falls in one of Kanaga's traps while Felix gets a phone call from his dead man. (How does that work?) Anyways, Felix comes back, asks the waiter where Bond is and gets hushed. Does Felix get worried and go looking for Bond? Of course not. The CIA should have fired this hack a long time ago.

Over all:
Live and Let Die is a fun movie to watch. There's good lines, good story, good characters and fun for the family. As I said, it's one of my favorite Bond movies.

Rating:
5 Secret agents on whose side?! out of 5.  

Ip Man

Bruce Lee. One of the greatest martial artists ever to live. Inspired others, such as myself, to pursue martial arts as a way of life. But who inspired Bruce Lee? This film is about Bruce Lee's teacher, Ip Man. Master of Wing Chun. This film stars Donnie Yen as Ip Man and is an awesome movie to watch.

The Plot:
In the city of Foshan, many martial arts schools are opening up and each one wishes to be the best. Ip Man, a wealthy man and exceptional martial artist, but he prefers to lead a quiet life and never takes on any students. When an out of town martial artist takes on each school one by one and wins, Ip Man must defend the town's honor to ensure that the schools stay open. However, when Japan invades China during WW2, Ip Man and his family become homeless. Ip Man looks for a job to support his family and runs into some fellow teachers. The general of the Japanese troops in Foshan holds a competition to see who's skilled in fighting. The winner gets a bag of rice and an offer to return again. When one martial artist is killed, Ip Man accepts the challenge and takes on 10 fighters. Impressed, the general asks Ip Man to return, but Ip does not accept. Frustrated, the general tries to lure Ip into fighting again, but cannot seem to find him, thanks to a friend who is a Japanese translator. However, when Ip's best friend is threatened to be executed on the spot, Ip Man accepts the general's challenge. This time, the challenge is to the death and the other fighter is the general himself, a master of karate. Ip Man fights the general and wins, but is shot after the general's defeat. Ip Man and his family decide to head to Hong Kong and begin a new life there.

The Good:
If you watched the scene above, then watch the whole movie. The fight scenes are freaking stunning to watch. As said before, Bruce Lee got me interested into martial arts, but that scene actually got me to really learn kung fu. These fights are so well choreographed, they make the Jason Bourne fight scenes look cheesy. The story's pretty good too, you get invested in Ip Man's journey and root for him throughout the flick. The actors do a good job as well, making them believable and making you emotionally invested. Did I mention how awesome the fight scenes were? Seriously, those fights are the jewels in this movie.

The Bad:
Ip Man's wife, Cheung Wing-sing is a bitch in this movie. She's not happy that Ip Man practices wing chun, or practices with his fellow martial artists. She wants him by her side every minute giving her attention and to his son. This doesn't make Ip Man a bad father or husband for that matter, but give the guy some space. Cheung acts like a 2 year old throughout most of the movie and she finally realizes that Ip Man likes kung fu and she should have acted more mature near the end of the freaking movie! I despise her in this movie and I hope Ip Man's wife in real life didn't behave like this. When Ip's family is kicked out of their house and they become "homeless". I use the quotation marks, because, well...Ip Man might not have a mansion but they have a pretty nice house for being homeless. Yeah, money and food are scarce, but his living situation? Not super believable when you live in a neighborhood. Now for the general of the Japanese troops. He's introduced as this badass karate master who can take on multiple opponents without breaking a sweat. During the fight between him and Ip Man, its like he lost his karate powers or something. Ip Man wipes the floor with him in 30 seconds, and it's kinda embarrassing to watch. Did the general choke or something? Did the crowd of people watching give him stage fright? I don't know, but the final fight was a let down in my opinion.

Overall:
Ip Man is a fantastic movie. Though most of it is fictional, the actual use of wing chun is very accurate. Donnie Yen is superb in this film and if this movie doesn't leave you wanting to learn Wing Chun, I don't know what will.

4.5 Wing Chun dummies out of 5.