The Many Loves of Hercules

The Many Loves of Hercules

 Hello again movie enthusiasts! I'm back and here to stay (hopefully). I apologize for not being frequent in my posts and I hope I'll be putting up reviews more often here. I've seen lots of movies in my long hiatus and I'll put up my thoughts so you can get back to enjoying my pains or amazement.

Today, I'm going to dig into the bottom of the barrel of bad movies. The Many Loves of Hercules or as I like to call it, Hercules Likes Lifting and Loves like 2 Women. On to the review!

The Story:

An opposing kingdom kills Hercules' wife in the hopes of him starting a war with their leader, making the killer a King. However, Hercules falls in love with their Queen and goes on a quest to prove his love. During the quest, Hercules is injured by a hydra and is tricked into falling in love with the Queen of the Amazons.

Thankfully, Hercules breaks free of the curse and goes onto kill the man who killed his first wife and marry the Queen.

The Good:

Not a whole lot, really. The actor who played Hercules is pretty funny to watch at times, and I find it hilarious that his first instinct is to pick up the heaviest object on the set and use it as a weapon.

The Bad:

I guess it wouldn't be a bad movie if I didn't mention how terrible this "movie" is. The production is cheap, the dubbing is laughably bad, and the set pieces do the bare minimum. Even the hyrda Hercules fights can only move one of it's heads so the actors "attacking" it have to stand in one spot. Even the title is a lie. You'd assume, rightfully, that Hercules would have many loves, but technically falls in love with one person. He doesn't even mourn his first wife. It's bam! I love this Queen who ordered her soldiers to kill my wife. The heck?

Overall:

Like I said, there are some laughably bad moments in this movie, but I can't recommend it. If want to watch something bad, and be amused, there are tons of options.

Rating:

1 Paper Mache Hydra out of 5.

Suicide Squad

Ever since Marvel Studios started making all the money with their movies, DC Comics thought they could as well. Sadly, they started off on the wrong foot. Or, fell on their face. Either way, DC has not had a good start. Their answer to this was to make a Guardians of the Galaxy knock off in hopes they could win the critics and fans they lost. Suicide Squad was their answer. Despite it getting negative reviews, it's made box office records thanks to the fans. However, is Suicide Squad a good movie? Grab your mallet, boomerang and pistols to find out! Spoilers below, read at your own risk:

The Plot:
After the "loss" or "death" of Superman, Amanda Waller (Viola Davis) decides to create Task Force X in hopes of saving the world from an evil version of Superman. What is Task Force X? A group of the worst of the worst who are expendable and can be thrown under the bus if they ever get caught. The group consists of Dead shot (Will Smith), Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie), Captain Boomerang (Jai Courtney), Killer Croc and El Diablo. When a 4,000 witch by the name of Enchantress begins her plans for world domination, the group heads off to Midway City to stop her. However, the group is led to believe that the city is under attack of terrorists and huge circles of doom in the sky is normal. The leader and lapdog of Waller is Rick Flag (Joel Kinnaman). Flag's girlfriend also happens to be Enchantress so he's trying to save her. After Waller gets captured by Enchantress' brother, Incubus, the group must save her. After some drinks at a bar, the baddies get ready and take on Enchantress. The succeed and each prisoner gets time off their sentences and some added perks. Harley, on the other hand, gets saved by her beau, the Joker.

Normally, I'd post pictures but, with this new layout it's not as easy so use your imagination?

The Good:
Overall, this is a fun movie. There were a few chuckles and a couple of decent fight scenes. Will Smith and Margot Robbie nail their roles as Dead shot and Harley. The soundtrack is fun to listen to, but some of the song choices don't match with the tone of the movie. There's a few decent cameos from the Flash and Batman, which leave you wanting more.  Also, Viola Davis as Amanda Waller was terrifying. I'd like to see her again in another movie.

The Bad:
The plot's all over the place in this movie. Nothing really runs together smoothly and you can tell that there were reshoots. Reshoots aren't necessarily bad, but when you can tell well...The villains in this movie were boring and you didn't get a feeling of urgency. Instead, you were left wondering how much longer the movie was and wishing it'd conclude. A couple of the Suicide Squad members could have been left out and nothing would have changed. Killer Croc and Captain Boomerang were pretty much useless, and I could only understand 2 words Croc said. Now to the Joker. I didn't like him. He wasn't crazy, or mesmerizing. He was just another mob boss who was just slightly eccentric. Personally, again, the movie wouldn't have been any different if there were no Joker. Jared Leto has no special moment that makes you go, "Oh, that's a good Joker." He could have been cut out entirely. The special effects were also embarrassing. They were too video gamey and near the end the actors looked like they were on a green screen pretending. Which is always a bad thing. Also, the canon fodder (aka the nameless thugs getting killed) looked like the Putty men from Might Morphin' Power Rangers. Seriously, what's the deal with these bad guys looking like that? Apocalypse from X-Men looked like Ivan Ooze, now we get Putty men in a DC film. Sheesh. Oh and why can't a comic book movie just kill someone off and leave it at that? Spoilers, I suppose. So, near the end, Enchantress is defeated and Rick Flag is debating whether she should live or not. Enchantress says, "You don't have the balls!" And Rick kills her. But...his girlfriend is still alive because reasons. Seriously, don't say "You don't have the balls," and not follow through. It's not like that actress is going to be in another DC movie.

Overall:
Despite the all the bad, Suicide Squad shows promise of what DC's got to offer. It's not a great movie, but it's certainly not as bad as some critics said it was. It has humor and humor works. Sure, the plot could have been written better and some of the characters weren't needed. It's an average movie. And it's certainly better than Batman Vs Superman. So, go ahead and see this movie. Let DC know they're headed in the right direction.
Rating: 3.5 Purple Lamborghinis out of 5.    

Ip Man 3

Hey all and welcome to another round of movie reviews. So, awhile back, possibly when I first started this blog, I reviewed a movie called Ip Man. It's one of my favorite martial arts movies of all time. I don't think I reviewed the second one, but oh well. Recently, I got to see the last Ip Man movie, at least with Donnie Yen in it. This is Ip Man 3.

The Plot:
So, it's been several years since Ip Man and his family have moved to Hong Kong. Ip runs a kung fu school part time while taking care of his wife and youngest son. One day, he has to go to his son's school to find out his son has been fighting with another boy. Ip apologizes and watches over the other boy until the boy's father shows up. It turns out the father also is a practitioner of Wing Chun, Cheung and is an underground fighter. A mob boss played by Mike Tyson wants to own the school for reasons and sends his lackeys to take care of it. However, Ip Man shows up in time to protect the school. He and several kung fu students watch over the school until the thugs kidnap Ip's son. Ip goes to deal with the thugs and has to fight against many opponents until the Cheung shows up. They deal with the thugs and recover their sons. Ip Man is tired of being bullied and goes to Mike Tyson to talk things over. However, Mike Tyson decides to duke it out with Ip Man, if he goes 3 minutes without going down, Mike Tyson will leave Ip and the school alone. Ip Man manages to do just that and the two go their separate ways.  Meanwhile, Ip's wife Wing Sing is diagnosed with cancer and only has months to live. So, Ip Man decides to stay by his wife until she passes. However, Cheung manages to open a school and declare that Ip Man is not using authentic Wing Chun. Ip's wife sets up a match so that Ip's reputation is not ruined. Ip fights the other master and wins. Wing Sing dies and Ip Man becomes a full time Wing Chun instructor.

The Good:
The fight scenes like in the previous movies are just amazing to watch. Donnie Yen is an awesome actor and you just feel everything he has to go through in this movie. Some of the locations and set pieces are pretty neat, making the fights even more engaging to watch.

The Bad:
The writers failed to even remotely tell a decent story. The plot is all over the place and it's hard to tell who's who sometimes. Mike Tyson is a terrible bad guy and isn't very convincing. Wing Sing reverts back to her bitchy attitude in this movie and pretty much disapproves of Ip Man's decisions and so I don't feel bad for saying I'm glad she died in this movie. Cheung as a Wing Chun master is a neat idea, but they've already did this in another unrelated Ip Man movie. They also tease Bruce Lee not once, but twice in this movie and he's still not a student of Ip Man. Bruce looks like he's in his 30s and Ip Man hasn't taken him? In real life Bruce Lee was 16 and already learning Wing Chun. And yes, the fights are awesome, but like the last two movies, the writers decided that Ip Man needs to take on an insane amount of bad guys without breaking a sweat again. I get the movie is kind of going over his life, but I find it highly unrealistic that Ip Man was constantly fighting hordes of thugs all the time. Back to Mike Tyson. Lazy writing. We had Ip Man fight a racist boxer in the second movie, why do we need to see it again? And the whole point of Mike Tyson was what? He had maybe three scenes total and his goal was to get a school. The whole movie was one giant mess.

Overall:
Ip Man 3 really dropped the ball on this one. As I said, the plot's a mess, some of the characters are either pointless or forgot that they had a change of heart. Personally, this was a major let down considering the first two movies were pretty great. If you want to watch it, don't waste any money.

Rating:
2 wasted opportunities to use Bruce Lee out of 5.

Samurai Cop

Yeah, I've been slacking lately and the amount of movies I've seen over the last few months have been embarrassing. However, I'm back and I've seen a movie! Huzzah! This one's not all that well known and I probably would have never heard of it until I saw a review of it on Youtube. The movie? Samurai Cop. It was a super low budget film that's been slowly creeping it's way to a cult classic. What did I think of it? Well, put your wig on and found out below!

This movie poster is a lie.

The Plot:
Not going to lie, this one was a tough plot to figure out. Let me see if I can describe it: A Japanese gang called "The Katana" is selling drugs and offing their rival gangs. Two cops, Joe Marshall and Frank are assigned to the case and to stop it once and for all. Joe Marshall aka "Samurai Cop" has been trained in the way of the samurai and speaks amazing, if not fluent Japanese (another lie). He falls for a restaurant owner, Jennifer who happens to be friends with the leader of The Katana gang.  Joe quickly becomes enemy number one as the gang tries to kill him several times. Eventually he gets fed up and with the permission of his police captain, Joe and Frank take down the gang once and for all. The climax is an epic duel and The Katana gang is no more. Joe and Jen live happily ever after. That's what I got at least.

The Good:
Uh, pretty much all of this movie. It's so bad it's good has never been truer. The acting is horrible, the fights are hilarious to watch and the camera work is horrendous. But it's just amazing to watch. You can't take your eyes off this train wreck and you're amused at the same time. I don't even know where to begin, this movie is so hilariously bad.

The Bad:
The entire movie, but my only major complaint is there are a few gratuitous sex scenes and the get real uncomfortable real fast. As in the director got distracted and kept shooting until the "plot" needed to get going again. There's also a few scenes where the director clearly forgot to yell "cut', so the actors kind of hold their poses for a few awkward moments until there's a random cut.

Overall:
You must see this movie. It's just so bad, but it's great to watch. I know I'm repeating myself, but seriously, watch this movie.

Rating:
5 Fujiy...fujya...Yahamas out of 5. (FYI: Joe Marshall says this in the movie. For a guy who speaks fluent Japanese, he can't say Fujiyama very well.)

Blade Runner

Wow, it's been a month? Sorry I haven't been keeping the blog updated, it's been pretty hectic lately and I haven't seen a whole lot of movies. However, I revisited an cyber punk classic, Blade Runner. One of Ridley Scott's best movies and with a possible 2nd movie coming out soon, I decided that I should review this movie. Get ready to retire some replicants!

The Plot:
In the distant future of 2019, mankind has perfected artificial intelligence and made humanoid robots to do manual labor deemed too dangerous for humans. These replicants are so identical to humans, a special task force called "Blade Runners" must do a test in order to tell them apart. However, the replicants are stronger, faster and smarter than a normal human, though they only have a 4 year lifespan. In Los Angeles, 4 replicants escape from slavery and begin seeking their creator, killing anyone who gets in their way. Rick Deckard (Harrison Ford) is a retired Blade Runner called back into business after a fellow Blade Runner is killed by one of the 4 replicants. He meets with Dr. Edwell Tyrell, the maker of these replicants and to test out the latest model, Rachel. Events set into motion as Roy Batty, the leader, wishes to extend his and his fellow replicants lives. Rachel meets with Deckard, distraught that she is a replicant and he attempts to comfort her but fails. Meanwhile, Roy and another model, Pris, befriend a geneticist who works for Tyrell. Batty meets with Tyrell and kills him once he finds out that his life cannot be extended. Deckard makes the connections and kills each replicant one by one until Roy is left. The two play a game of cat and mouse, with Roy having the upper hand by injuring Deckard. Deckard attempts to escape by jumping over to another building, but nearly falls. Roy saves Deckard and gives the best speech in movie history then dies. Deckard returns to his apartment and escapes with Rachel, only to be hunted by another Blade Runner.

The Good:
This is a great movie. It's part film noir, part sci fi, and part action. Harrison Ford is a great choice for the movie and plays Deckard well. Same goes for the other actors who played the replicants. You feel their pain and support Roy Batty wanting to have a longer life and understand his actions. He's an excellent villain. The sets are amazing as well, making you feel like you're in the 2019 version of Los Angeles wanting to escape the constant rain and darkness to a better place. Everything feels futuristic, yet old and used. Also, I mentioned the best speech in movie history, I can't do it justice by talking about it so, I'm going to show you it:

Skip to 1:25 if you want to get to the speech. Also, Rutger Hauer the actor, improvised this speech instead of what he was originally going to say and most the crew members were in tears when they heard this. Oh, and the ending to the director's cut is better. It's left open to interpretation, making you wonder if it's a happily ever after or not.

The Bad:
Not much, since this is such a great movie, but are some things that bother me. Why make replicants so identical to humans if there used for slave labor? Why not just make them look more robotic? Then you wouldn't need such a difficult test to tell the difference. Deckard comes off as rapey in one scene with Rachel. The set up: Rachel runs away from Tyrell and visits Deckard after she finds out she's a replicant. Deckard begins to come onto her and she rejects his advances, and tries to leave. However, Deckard forces himself onto her making her say things she doens't mean. This is supposed to be romantic? Or is this just showing us that even the good guys aren't that good? Anyways, it's hard to get behind a man who forces himself on a woman, even if she's a robot.

Overall:
Blade Runner is a great movie. The story, the characters, all of it. It's dark and gritty and it's done well. The story still holds up better than most movies that have come out today. It's definitely worth checking out. Even if you have seen it, maybe it's time to sit down and watch it again. (Side note: Watch the director's cut. It's much better and there's no silly voice over.)

Rating: 5 tears in the rain out of 5.

Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice

Batman and Superman. Two of the most popular comic book heroes in history. The question has been asked many times, who would win in a fight against the other? Comic books and tv shows have pitted the two, with different results. For the first time in cinema, the question is asked once again. Son of Krypton or Bat of Gotham? Here there be Spoilers, read at you own risk.

The Plot:
During the events of Man of Steel, Bruce Wayne witnesses the power of Superman first hand. Is Superman on our side or will he rule Earth with an iron fist? This question is asked by not only Bruce, but Lex Luthor and some Senators of Congress. Lex Luthor finds a weapon that could defeat Superman but his idea is shot down by Congress. Bruce Wayne has the same idea and decides to steal the weapon for himself to use against Superman. There's some other stuff as well, like the introduction to Wonder Woman and Louis Lane has some mystery to solve, but it boils down to this. Lex kidnaps Martha Kent aka Superman's mom and threatens to kill her if the Man of Steel doesn't kill Batman. Batman and Supes duke it out, only to find out Lex had something else up his sleeve and they team up with Wonder Woman. In the end, Superman is "killed" and Bruce Wayne decides to call to arms of the other meta beings on Earth with Wonder Woman's help.

The Good:
Visually speaking, this movie is pretty good. There are few decent fight scenes and action scenes. Ben Affleck as Bruce Wayne/Batman was better than I hoped. The introduction to the Justice League members (Aquaman, Flash and Cyborg) was interesting, I just wish that they had done it after the story was wrapped up. Wonder Woman is good when she's teaming up with our heroes to take on Doomsday.

The Bad:
The story is a mess. It has too many things going on and hardly any resolution leaving you with more questions than answers. Why is Wonder Woman a thief and what's she doing there? How did Lex Luthor come up with idea of making Doomsday? Also, I mentioned some stuff about Louis Lane and her story arch. It's pointless, honestly. She's tracking down a bullet that supposedly Superman shot someone with except Supes doesn't need a gun. I don't what they were going with there. And the kicker: Batman straight up kills people in this movie. There's no, "Oh, they may have gotten out of that explosion." It's "Yep. Those guys are dead." Granted, they're bad guys, but that still defeats the point of Batman's moral code. If the movie had an explanation of what happened and why, I would have been okay with it. Jesse Eisneberg as Lex Luthor was a poor casting choice. He wasn't threatening and he had an annoying tick that made no sense. If he had been cool and calculating instead of annoying and weird, it would have been decent. Then there's a bunch of story this plot could have been without. It just gets confusing at times, and it needed to be more straight forward.

Overall:
This movie's a mess, but at least it looks pretty. More straightforward and less confusing. There should have been a nice wrap up leaving you content, but you had more questions at the end. Batman kills, and it's aggravating me. It's a decent movie, but it's not amazing. Honestly, don't pay the ticket price, just rent it.

Rating:
2.5 Doomsdays out of 5.

Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny

16 years ago, America was introduced to Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. Cheesy and silly as it was, it turned out to be a fairly big hit. It had intense action scenes, a fairly decent story, a fun movie overall. So when CTHD: SOD came out, I had to watch it and see if it was a good sequel. Let's fly to the rooftops and see!

The Plot:
16 years after the first movie, the magical Green Destiny (a sword so powerful, anyone who wields it cannot be beaten) must be protected from an evil warlord Hades Dai. Yu Shu Lien (Michelle Yeoh) travels to Peking to keep the sword safe. However, a member of Dai's cult, the West Lotus, attempts to steal it, but is captured instead. Lien assumes that Wei Fang (the West Lotus) will be rescued and more will attempt to steal Green Destiny. So, she calls for the aid of noble warriors to help her. Silent Wolf (Donnie Yen) and several other dashing warriors travel to Peking. Once there, they are attacked by West Lotus members and two warriors are killed. After the battle, Lien decides to move the sword somewhere else, but before she can do so, it is stolen by Wei Fang. However, after learning about his mother, he decides to fight Hades, and the rest of the warriors come to his aid. Silent Wolf battles Hades and wins. The rest of the surviving warriors head to Wudang to keep the sword there.

The Bad:
Yeah, I know I normally start with the good, but sadly this movie made me do this. So, we have an all Asian cast, set in an Asian background. How come they speak English? The original was in Mandarin, so how come no one speaks it? I feel like this movie is insulting my intelligence, honestly. It's like they figured, "Hey a bunch of Americans are going to see this, so make them speak American. It's not like they're going to notice the difference." Well, imaginary executive at Netflix, I noticed. Now, the quality of the movie. Some parts are visually stunning, other parts feel like it's a video game.  Around the third act the quality drops and it gets more video gamey. There's an ice skating kung fu fight...which is just as sad as it sounds. The actors don't seem very motivated in the movie at all and most seem tired or bored. The line delivery sounds robotic at times and it's hard to get invested into our heroes. As mentioned before, act 3 gets worse. The fights look silly, the backgrounds look fake, and you don't feel any tension. You just want it to be over and that's always a bad thing. And, I should mention, this movie was filmed in Middle Ear-I mean New Zealand. The same place the Lord of the Rings movies were shot. At times it even feels like a LOTR movie. Silent Wolf and others are introduced like The Fellowship "And my axe!". C'mon guys. I could go on with the problems with this movie and it'd be about 40 pages long, so let's get to the good.

The Good:
There are some decent fight scenes in this movie. There's even an interesting training scene where Lien trains Snow Vase (a minor character, you wonder why they bothered putting a story in for her) how to be a better swordswoman. It's pretty good. The music is amazing to listen to as well.

Overall:
I feel cheated, really. This movie could have been great if they hadn't followed basic movie tropes and tried harder to make the story better.  Not to mention insulting our intelligence by making native Chinese speakers speak English. Ouch guys. The use of CGI is a nice tool, but like most movies now, they used it more as a tool and it shows, especially towards the end. CTHD:SOD is a let down. I don't even recommend anyone watching this train wreck. 

Rating: 1 Hidden Dragons out of 5.