Shaolin Mantis and 13 Assassins

Kamehameha and hello! It's been awhile since I posted a review and I figured I'd give you all a break from the mass wave of movie reviews for awhile. Hopefully, you're all caught up and ready for more! Today will be a double feature review, so sit back and get ready to rumble!!


Shaolin Mantis:

Alrighty, let's talk about Shaolin Mantis first. This movie was produced by the famous Shaw Brothers, creators of 36th Chamber of Shaolin, Five Deadly Venoms, and many others. Shaolin Mantis is overall a pretty decent flick and I enjoyed watching it. Let's go to the story!

The Story:

A scholar, Wei Fung (played by David Chiang) is recruited by the Emperor to spy on a potential rebel, who might be plotting to kill said Emperor. Wei goes to the Tien manor under the guise of a teacher to tutor the Grand Master's unruly granddaughter, Chi Chi (played by Wong Hang Sau). Things become more complicated and Wei's life may be in danger. Will he be victorious, or will the Master of the Shadow style end Wei once and for all?

The Good:
I'll admit, this is a pretty cheesy kung fu movie, but it's cheesy good. The action sequences aren't all too bad for an old kung fu flick.  Towards the end, it gets better because there's much more action.

The Bad:
The sound effects. I understand that this was made in the 70s and things weren't as high tech as there are now, but the amount of hitting noises were a bit overboard. There are a few fights were Wei and generic master of  <insert style> lock hands and there has to be hitting noises even though the actors aren't even hitting each other. As for the sword/ metal weapons sound, they used the same pattern of ping, ping, chuang!!! over and over. <sigh> It got old fast. The story was pretty slow paced as well. Wei doesn't even do Mantis style until the last 15 minutes of the movie, which is alright, I suppose. However, he just kind of smiles and acts goofy. Chi-Chi. Why does almost every kung fu movie have to have an annoying girl? She likes kung fu, I'll give her that, but she's also too much of a show off. There should have been a scene were Wei shows her his kung fu and maybe have embarrassed her or something. I don't like Chi-Chi.

Conclusion:
Shaolin Mantis is a fun Shaw Brothers flick and I recommend that you should at least see it once. As said before, the action's not too shabby, so it's fun to watch.

3.5 mantis strikes out of 5.



13 Assassins:

This time we travel even further east to the mystical land of Japan. And instead of kung fu masters we are introduced to samurai. Now, 13 Assassins is a great movie. The story's amazing, the action is spine chilling good, and the acting is superb. All in all, 13 Assassins is probably one of my favorite samurai movies. Let's give it a look see, shall we?

The Story:
In the 1840s, a sadistic evil man, Lord Naritsugu, the Shogun's half-brother, is causing trouble and must be stopped. Sir Doi, the Shogun's Justice Minster, realizes something must be done and seeks out an ex samurai, Shinzaemon. Shinzaemon is tasked to assassinate Lord Naritsugu by any means necessary. Shinzaemon and 12 others plot a way to kill Lord Naritsugu en route to Edo before the Lord joins the Shogun's council. Will they succeed and kill this evil man? Or will their plan be all for naught and peace in Japan might end?

 Above: TOTAL MASSCRE

The Good:
The whole movie. Seriously. I love everything about it. The story's compelling, the action is well done and well choreographed. The actors are convincing and make the story believable. Even the pacing of the story is well done, making you wait patiently until BAM! Action! Lots of glorious action! This movie is just...wow. It's awesome.

The Bad:
Honestly, I can't find anything bad about this movie. It's well done. Since I have to find bad things, I will nitpick. There are some dumb things these ronin (samurai no longer bound to a master) do that would make Sun Tzu facepalm. In the scene above, it's clear that these men have the tactical advantage and they could easily wipe out a few more men before running out of arrows. But no....they have to do the stupid thing and fight 130 men (even though they do this pretty successfully) with sword play. C'mon! Just whittle down the bad guys until you have the advantage! I know there's supposed to be honor and whatnot, but at least do it with less enemies! Other than that, great movie.

Conclusion:
Just see above. This movie rocks. Watch it. Seriously.

5 katanas out of 5.

The Protector (Tom-Yum-Goong)

Yeah, two movie reviews in one day. And yes, this is another Tony Jaa movie. I promise to pace him out a bit more. I think this might be Tony Jaa month or something. Anyways, The Protector. Overall, a fun movie to watch, a little lacking on story and story telling, but still decent.

The Plot:

Legend tells us that back in the good ol' days, if a King had an awesome warrior elephant, he'd be unstoppable in battle. Awesome elephants did have weaknesses though, and it was the job of the Protectors to help them. These protectors were masters of Muay Thai, and they also raised the elephants for the king. Years later, Kham and his father are elephant raisers. Young Kham helps his dad raise an elephant, Por Yai. Por Yai and Kham are inseparable. One day, Por Yai, finds a mate and the two have a calf. 10 years later, Kham meets the calf, Kohrn. Kham's father take Por Yai to the elephant inspector for the King so that he may be approved for royal living. Unfortunately, this turns out to be a ruse and Kham's dad is killed. Kham chases after the men who tried to capture Por Yai, and little Korhn is captured. Kham interrogates one of the men posing as the inspector and is told the elephants have been taken to Sydney.  Kham travels to Australia, looking for a man named Johnny. After many fights and searching, Kham finds Johnny, only to be beaten by his thugs. Meanwhile, the police seem to think Kham is a drug dealer and a killer (I have no idea why they thought this) and search after him. Eventually, Kham finds Johnny and defeats him. It is revealed Johnny works for a Lady Rose who runs an illegal business of selling exotic animals as food. Kham is worried Kohrn is killed, but it turns out Korhn is unharmed. Kham and Korhn seek shelter in a Buddhist temple with the help of an officer, who is also blamed for killing and drug running. (I guess Australia doesn't bother with facts and evidence, just dumb hunches) Kham fights some other guys and eventually finds Lady Rose. Lady Rose has killed Por Yai and "uses" his power to make her the ultimate leader, but Kham and his knees of awesomeness defeat Rose. Kham and Korhn head home after a hard days work.

The Good:

Tony Jaa. He kicks some much butt in this movie. It's awesome. This movie shows off his skills and stunts in all the right ways. Kohrn, the cute little elephant. That's right, that baby elephant is freakin' cute.

The Bad:

The story. I mean, I get the gist of it, but there are so many unexplained things too. Why does Lady Rose need an elephant? Why does Kham instantly get in the cops radar as soon as he enters Sydney? How come the cops are so incompetent? Is Tony Jaa a superhuman? The acting's not all that great either. Tony Jaa doesn't say much in this movie, which I would feel closer to him if he wasn't beating everything up. Dude, show some emotions, give me a reason to feel for you. Plot holes, oh so many plot holes. How did Kham find the fake inspector? How did he find Lady Rose? So many things left unexplained. I like Tony Jaa, I really do. But, if you're going to bother with a story, try to actually show it. Don't skip around and expect me to follow what's going on.

Conclusion:

This movie's good. Just not compelling story good. Tony Jaa is impressive to watch, but he needs to show more emotion and maybe talk. Don't use the martial arts as an excuse to tell a story. The fight scenes are awesome, and it wasn't a let down like Ong Bak 3. I'd suggest watching this on Netflix for a fun 90 minutes. Other than that, it's one long fight scene basically, but at least it's a awesome fight scene.

3.5 flying knees to the face out of 5.

Rumble in the Bronx

Another Jackie Chan movie? Why, yes. Besides, I'm sure you all want to see something besides Tony Jaa movies. So, today, I'll be reviewing Rumble in the Bronx. Most of Jackie Chan's movies are entertaining and fun to watch. Rumble in the Bronx is fun and one of Chan's better movies.

The Plot:

Keung (played by Chan) is a young man visiting his uncle in New York, or more accurately, the Bronx. Keung's uncle is getting married and Keung is attending, however, his uncle is also selling his grocery store to Elaine (played by Anita Mui). Keung offers to help Elaine out for a week while his uncle is on his honeymoon. One day, a local gang enters the store and one of the members is caught shoplifting. Instead of admitting of shoplifting, the member, Angelo, tries to bully Elaine. Keung defends Elaine by beating up some of the members and telling them to leave the store alone. Later that night, Keung is on his way to his uncle's apartment (Uncle Bill let Keung live there) he witnesses a mugging. Keung breaks it up, but it turns out to be a trap. While running/fighting his way through thugs, Keung becomes cornered. It turns out Angelo, and the gang leader, Tony (played by Marc Akerstream) set up the trap to beat up Keung. The gang members attack Keung by hitting glass bottles at him, injuring Keung severely. Keung manages to go to the nearest place which happens to be the girlfriend of Tony. Nancy aka Tony's girl, (played by Francoise Yip) tends to Keung's wounds because her little brother recognized Keung. Keung awakens and heads over to the store, but is attacked by Tony's gang once again. Keung escapes and heads over to Danny's (Nancy's little brother.) Danny and Keung go out, and witness a car crash. Angelo and other member arrive to the crash and find out there are diamonds. Angelo goes AWOL and the evil  thugs of White Tiger search for him. Nancy eventually falls for Keung and the two begin a relationship. Angered by this, Tony and his gang tear the grocery store apart. Elaine tells Keung who did it, but she shouldn't have relied on him. Keung and Nancy go to Tony's where Keung tells the gang to change their ways. They find Angelo, and uncover the diamonds sending Keung into a spiral of undercover missions and an epic showdown between a hovercraft and a Lamborghini.

The Good:

The action. Jackie Chan movies always have entertaining fight scenes. Chan's stunts are always mind blowing and impressive to watch. I also enjoy Nancy. Yes, she's good looking, but she grows as a character and the movie shows that she's not really into the bad things that Tony does. Chan does a decent job as Keung. The movie shows us that Keung isn't some super amazing fighter who never loses, but shows us that he's vulnerable and can't always win. He's also a nice guy who stands up for what is right even if it's a little naive at times.

The Bad:

The story. Why did the movie decide to reveal to us who the real bad guys were so late in the movie? White Tiger and his goons don't come in until around the halfway mark, and it seems a little forced. I guess it's nice not to have a drug dealer, but the bad guys aren't all that imposing. Tony's gang. Bravo for Tony and his gang for not backing down, but eventually it comes to the point where Tony is trying to commit murder. The sad thing is, nobody bothers to call the cops until it's too late or they just avoid it. Is the Bronx really that bad of a place to live in? White Tiger's men. Man, these guys are dumb. For a bunch of professionals, they sure do a lot of rookie stuff. White Tiger even has to tell them how to do their job. There's two parts in the movie that show their incompetence. First, they call White Tiger up while Keung is doing undercover work for the cops. The man has to ask White Tiger what to do, since Keung mentioned Tiger. Tiger says to check for a wire. Second part, (still while Keung is undercover) they "look" for White Tiger's boat house by trying all the doors until one opens. That's literally a red flag right there. These goons are so inept, they didn't bother to check the place before Keung came? Idiots.  Also, Danny's a tad bit creepy. He tells Keung how pretty his sister is several times. It's like a pimp trying to push a girl onto Keung or something. Danny's a nice kid, but the pushing your sister by acting creepy is creepy.

Conclusion:

Overall, Rumble in the Bronx is a good movie. If you like Jackie Chan movies and haven't seen this, check it out.

4 deflated hovercrafts out of 5

Previously....Ong Bak3

Hey all! Today, I'll be reviewing Ong Bak 3. Personally, I didn't like this movie much. It was a weak ending to a fairly decent trilogy. The story was bland and the action wasn't as good as the previous movie. It did answer some questions from the previous movie, however, more questions were left unanswered.

The Story:

Previously on Ong Bak: Tien, a son of a noble, was trained by a group of outlaws to become the ultimate warrior. Once his training was complete, Tien went to seek revenge on Lord Rajasena but failed due to his bad karma. Rajasena captures Tien and has his soldiers nearly beat Tien to death. Rajasena proclaims Tien to be executed, however, a messenger from the King (yeah, apparently ol Raja isn't the king) announces Tien a free man. Tien is taken to a village to be healed, but assassins attempt to take his life once more. Tien is saved, and continues on his healing process. Father Bua, a monk, says that Tien is cursed from his bad karma and will always have a short life. The villagers, and Tien's friend/ love interest, Pim (played by Primorata Dejudom) pray for his bad karma to go away so Tien may be curse free. Meanwhile, Lord Rajasena begins to experience hallucinations and insanity due the fact he has been cursed. A crow, Bhuti, says that he can remove the curse if Rajasena comes to his temple. Bhuti's true intentions are shown when Raja arrives and the crow decapitates Rajasena. Bhuti becomes the new lord and ruler. Back at the village, Tien begins to meditate and remove his bad karma, but he is attacked by Bhuti's men. Tien defeats them, but finds out that the village had been burned down and the villagers have become slaves. Tien goes off to defeat Bhuti and free the villagers.

                                                         Tien and Prim dancing together.

The Good:

Honestly? Not much. There's too many things going on at once at it's hard to keep up most of the time. The action's okay for the most part.

The Bad:

The story. The characters. Even the fight scenes are dull. I don't understand why Bhuti the crow needs to kill Rajasena, nor do I see his motivation for going after Tien. Tony Jaa barley says 12 lines in this movie. They had to get dependent of the comedic relief again, but it was over the top and predictable. As for character development, there is none. Most of the fights rely too much on slow motion and I really hate that. The only movie that pulled slo-mo was The Matrix. Slow motion never makes martial art movies look good. Never. Why did they decide to show a cursed Rajasena in the last movie? It made no sense. Overall, this movie was garbage compared to Ong Bak 2.

Conclusion:

Tony Jaa's a great martial artist, but this movie rarely showed off his skills. The plot moves slow, the story is going in too many directions, and nobody has told me what Tien did to gain bad karma. Ong Bak 3 is a flop. It's a improper send off to end a trilogy. I suggest those who want to watch the Ong Bak movies, just watch the first two. The third will leave you disappointed.

2.5 warrior elephants out of 5.

Man of Tai Chi

Greetings hustlers of Kung fu! Hope you had an amazing Halloween! On this day of November first, I will be reviewing Man of Tai Chi. This movie was directed by Keanu Reeves, and personally, he did a pretty acceptable job over all. This movie is a decent kung fu flick all around and I enjoyed it. Let's get to the story shall we?

Man of Tai Chi is about a man who does tai chi. End credits! Just kidding, actually, there's more to it than that. Tiger Chen is a tai chi student who is trying to control his actions, but he's quick to anger and uses force to solve his conflicts instead of being peaceful. His master warns him of the consequences he makes because of this. Donaka Mark, played by Keanu Reeves, is a millionaire who runs an illegal underground fight club. Donaka's attention is grabbed by Tiger in a kung fu tournament. Donaka takes Tiger into this under ground fighting club and pushes Tiger to his limits, trying to make innocent Tiger into a cold blooded killer. The Hong Kong Police are trying to stop Donaka's illegal fight club, but always seem to be there too late. Sung-Jing, played by Karen Mok, refuses to give up and gets to Tiger before Donaka kills again.

The Good:

Overall, the story's actually pretty decent. It's much more than a simple learn kung fu/ know kung fu revenge story. It's questioning the fact can an innocent man become a killer if he's pushed too far? Will he kill because he doesn't have control over his actions? These questions are asked in the film and I like it. The fight scenes are visually stunning and amazing to watch. Even though Tiger doesn't necessarily use Tai Chi, it's still pretty good. In some parts of the film, Keanu Reeves can be a believable bad guy, and he does a good job as the film's villain. Tiger Chen, played by Tiger Chen, does well also, playing a man who slowly becomes headed in the direction of becoming a killer until he realizes killing is well, bad. Even the scenery is pretty to look at. And the use of sexy cars like a Bugatti, Lamborghini, and Bentley, make me like this film. Seriously, look at the Bugatti:

Sexy.


The Bad:

Keanu Reeves' acting. <sigh> There are some parts where Keanu over acts and is very unconvincing which is sad because Reeves' is a decent actor. There's one scene where Tiger tells Donaka that he's done and doesn't wish to kill. Donaka laughs an evil laugh....more like forced evil laugh and it's not good. CGI car wreck. Look, I don't mind CGI. I really don't. But if it's crappy CGI, well, it just tells me "lazy worker who didn't care". If the wreck had been shorter, I wouldn't have minded, but they made the scene long enough to where you knew that it wasn't real. Also, asian mullet.

Conclusion:

Man of Tai Chi is a good film. The story's compelling, the fights are wonderful, and I like the message in the story. It's not perfect, but it's enjoyable. Check out Man of Tai Chi. Hopefully, you'll enjoy it too.

4 no shadow kicks out of 5.